His last Word
by brothermine
Summary: Sherlock always has to have the last word. (complete)
1. Sensitive Issue

**Outburst**

**I got this idea today when I went to see The Hobbit and I knew I had to write it. This is a lot different from my other Sherlock stories Trigger and God No! Please feel free to visit them and leave me a review. I would really love to hear what you think of this and if you can guess the part of the movie that gave me the idea for this story and I will PM you to tell you if you were right!**

**I know this was originally meant to be a oneshot but I get a lot of ideas for random unrated ideas for Sherlock so I thought it would be fun to keep them together.**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly it's not mine!**

John sighed it got stronger the closer Sherlock moved towards him. He had tried to ignore it but he couldn't, he had to say something he had to... He didn't know how to say it, it wasn't the kind of thing you could just blurt out. He also didn't know how Sherlock would react, he had no idea how to approach this. He finally decided as Sherlock moved closer to him again that maybe the best way to do it was to come right out and say it. Sherlock wasn't very good at subtly so maybe that was the best way to approach this.

"Eh, Sherlock there's something I need to tell you mate, there really is no easy way to say it. I wasn't going to tell you but I think it's something you deserve to know. I wouldn't feel right not telling you," John said. He knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop himself.

"What are you talking about John?" Sherlock asked impatiently as he stopped typing on John's laptop to look at him.

"Wait, hang on, is that my laptop?" John demanded.

"Yes, and before you say what ever it is you so desperately need to say I should point out that your latest blog has two grammatical errors. If you are going to insist on bombarding the world with your insights you could at least make them grammatically accurate. The last thing we need is yet another generation of adults unable to grasps the fundamental basics of the human language," Sherlock said.

"You went through my files?"

"Yes obviously," Sherlock said in a bored tone.

"It's password protected! How many times do I need to tell you to ask me before you take my laptop?" John demanded.

"Getting off topic yet again John, what is it that you need to tell me? Can you tell me quickly I really do have a lot to do," Sherlock said impatiently.

John stared at his flatmate a moment before he spoke, he was even more determined to tell him now. He had to tell him, he couldn't go on like this. He had to tell him and deal with the consequences afterwards.

"Right eh..." John tried again.

Sherlock sighed impatiently picking up John's laptop heading towards his bedroom.

"No wait, I really do need to tell you this, you need to hear this," John said.

"For something that is so important to tell me you are taking a long time to get to the point, therefore it must be something you don't want to tell me and..."

John cut him off before he could really get started. "Yeah, alright, can you just let me say what I need to say?" John asked waiting for Sherlock's albeit reluctant nod before continuing.

This was it, there was no going back now, he had to say it. "Sherlock...I...your breath stinks," he said at last he said it. He looked carefully at Sherlock waiting for his reaction. He had to tell him, he was his friend so he had no choice but it didn't make it any easier. He tried to think of the nicest way possible to say it but the truth is there is no nice way to tell someone they have a bad breath.

"I know," Sherlock said causing John to blink in surprise. He wasn't sure what reaction he was expecting but it definitely wasn't that.

"You know?" John asked confused.

"Yes, it was an experiment. Have to do something to pass the time," he said with a shrug.

"What was the experiment?" John asked inspite of himself.

Sherlock went on to explain the basis of his experiment and the influence different chemicals had on the smell of your breath. The whole thing left John wondering why on earth Sherlock would want to know that but he had long given up asking after that experiment he'd seen him preform with the human foot from St. Bart's.

"Why didn't you brush your teeth or at least take a mint as you have clearly finished your experiment, what ever it was?" John asked

"I already told you what it was, it..." he began before Jon cut him off again.

"Yeah alright Sherlock not the point, the point is why did you continue to sit there with your breath smelling like that?" John asked.

"It was part of my next experiment," Sherlock simply said.

"What?" John asked confused.

"Waiting to see how long it would take you to tell me," he answered.


	2. Extract

**Extract**

**This is the second chapter of these unrelated oneshots based on life with our favourite detective and blogger. I will try and update this series as often as I can. As always please leave me a review, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly it's not mine!**

John should have known it was coming. He may not have Sherlock's brilliant skills of deduction but even he should have known that it was coming. That was maybe a slight exaggeration, afterall who expects to come home and find this...but he should have known something was going to happen. Then again living with Sherlock Holmes it couldn't really be that much of a shock, could it?

Sherlock had been restless for days, even more so than usual. He had long given up asking him what was wrong. He had learned to block out the clattering and banging that accompanied Sherlock's nightly activities.

He thought no more of it, until he came into the flat that night. "What the hell are you doing?" John demanded, a question he found was fast becoming a catchphrase as Sherlock's actions required verbal questionings at least once a week.

"Shut up i'm busy," Sherlock snapped returning his attention to the mirror again.

John watched as Sherlock opened his mouth and placed a finger against a tooth wincing slightly as he did so. "Get out! You are distracting me, get out," Sherlock said suddenly.

"What are you doing?" John asked watching him carefully.

"Dealing with something, leave me alone you are distracting me," he said again.

John signed slightly as he at least knew what the problem was. What he didn't know what led to the situation currently unfolding infront of him. "Sherlock, stop! Why don't you go to a dentist like a normal person?" he asked. He moved quickly towards him to take the string away from him that he currently had tied to their kitchen door and the other end he was about to tie to his tooth.

"Don't like dentists, can never find one that I trust with sharp instruments near my mouth and the few that I have, have told me not to return so I need to address the issue myself," Sherlock said acidly clearly pain made him even more rude and dismissive than usual.

"Sherlock for God sake you cannot extract your own tooth, you need a dentist, a proper dentist. Take some painkillers and I'll give you the address of my dentist that you can call in the morning, alright," John tried to reason.

"No, this will be fine will take seconds and it will be out and the pain will be gone so I can actually focus again," he said stubbornly.

"For a smart man you can be amazingly stupid you know that?" John snapped.

"What, how?" Sherlock demanded looked offended at John's statement.

"You really think ripping your own tooth out is going to make the pain go away? You would be leaving a raw open wound which trust me will hurt a hell of a lot more than the tooth does at the moment not to mention the risk of infection," John answered stiffly.

"You're a doctor, you do it then," he reasoned his tone sharp as the throbbing pain in his tooth vibrated through his skull.

"No way!" John yelled.

"Why not?" Sherlock demanded.

"Because I am not a dentist and even if I was I would not take your tooth out in the middle of our kitchen!" John yelled.

"Then get out and leave me alone I have work to do," Sherlock snapped picking up the string again.

You can't seriously be about to do this after everything I said If you catch an infection from doing this, which the chances are bloody high of given the state of this flat, which we still need to talk about by the way! You wont be able to work for at least a week until it clears up. What are you going to do then? You know what you get like when you don't have a case for a few days never mind a few weeks," John said pulling out his last reserve to get Sherlock to see reason on this.

Sherlock paused as he thought this through. "Fine, I'll go see your dentist in the morning. If he proves as useless as the rest i'm doing it my way," he said dropping the stuff on the kitchen not bothering to tidy it as he stalked off to the couch flopping himself down dramatically.

By four O'clock that morning John had long given up on sleep as Sherlock complained and made unnatural amount of noise as he moved around restlessly downstairs. "You know what I've thought about it, come here and I'll take the damn tooth out if it will let me get some bloody sleep," he said only half joking as his eyes burned with exhaustion.

"No point now John, only a few hours till the dentist opens we'll see how this one is," he said as he turned his attention back to whatever it was he was doing that was causing such a bloody awful racket.

"God sake Sherlock," John muttered as he went back upstairs to try and get some sleep.

He had only just dropped off when Sherlock burst into the room throwing a pile of clothes at him. "Come on hurry up, it's time to go to the dentist," he announced.

John groaned as he shooed Sherlock from the room so he could get dressed thinking that one day he really was going to kill his flatmate.


	3. I'm not your housekeeper!

**I'm not your housekeeper!**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, please keep them coming they really mean a lot to me. I love to hear your thoughts on this especially as it is different from what I normally write, but good fun!**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly I still own nothing. If I owned Sherlock we would see the legendary cluedo game!**

"You have got to be kidding," John uttered as he stepped into the flat. He was not only concerned with the tidiness of the flat, it would be impossible to live with Sherlock if he was but this was ridiculous! The place was such a mess John couldn't put up with it anymore. He refused to clean it alone, especially when the majority of the mess wasn't his and he certainly wasn't going to let Mrs Hudson do it.

"Sherlock?" he yelled suppressing a shudder as crumbs crunched under his feet as he walked through the flat. He was certain he hadn't lived in such squallier even in his student days. "For God sake," he muttered as Sherlock failed to appear. He frowned as he heard water running in the bathroom. The flat was a mess but Sherlock still ensured he took a bath he thought filled with irrational anger.

"At least there is one thing in this flat you keep clean," John snapped at Sherlock as he emerged from the bathroom. "Just so you know, activities like going for a bath and washing your hands doesn't count as cleaning the bath or the sink."

"I am aware of that thank you," Sherlock said looking at John in confusion as he tossed his towel into the ever growing pile of dirty washing after drying his hair off.

"Then how can you not be aware of the state of this flat?" he burst out.

Sherlock sighed and gave the place a cursory glance. "It's fine, could make use a bit of a tidy but overall I'd say it's fine. Now if you'd excuse me i'm going to dress," he said with a shrug.

"No seriously, are you seriously telling me you don't see it, or smell it? You, you who notices everything?" John demanded before Sherlock could leave.

"Smell it?" Sherlock enquired after sensing there was no point in him leaving.

"Yes smell it, the place is starting to smell and it most likely is from the crap you keep in the bloody fridge," John stated.

"Experiments," Sherlock corrected.

"What?" John snapped.

"Experiments, not crap," he mildly corrected.

"I don't care what the hell they are. I mean seriously, look at the place. There is crap everywhere, we're running out of clean dishes and i'm assuming clothes. It's horrible Sherlock" We can't like this, we need to do something about it," he stated.

"No we don't," Sherlock said simply.

"What do you mean?" John demanded frustratedly.

"You are the only one that it bothers, so why should I do anything about it?" Sherlock reasoned.

John stared at him in disbelief as he felt something snap inside him He refused to yet again clean up after Sherlock's mess. He very nearly found himself using what he and Sherlock had come to call Mrs Hudson's catchphrase. If Sherlock wanted to live in this mess, fine. "Fine," he hissed to his flatmate.

"Right then," Sherlock said turning to go again glad that John had at last decided to stop focusing on such trivial issues. Or not so it seemed as John started again.

"If you want to live like this fine. I am not cleaning it and neither is Mrs Hudson! You can't live like this forever. When the mess and the smell get too much and you are ready to help me sort it let me know because until then i'm not touching this place," John said.

"As you wish," Sherlock said heading to his room.

True to his word John refused to clean the flat though it was starting to get harder to do. The place was disgusting he failed to see how this couldn't be bothering Sherlock. He shuddered as he opened the fridge and his nostrils were invaded with the smell of rotting food, though that could be coming from the grime on the plates that were stacked by the sink. He couldn't take this any longer, he had to clean it. He sighed as he ran the tap to start with the dishes.

"Thank goodness, the flat was in dire need of cleaning," Sherlock commented when John eventually finished.


	4. Unwanted Conversations

**Unwanted Conversations**

**Thank you all for the reviews please keep them coming as I really want to know what you think of this and to know that you are reading. I got the idea for this chapter from a comment made in The Empty Hearse. **

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly it's still not mine!**

"Get out," Sherlock said abruptly causing John to look up in confusion.

"What?"

"Get out," he repeated irritatedly.

"Why?" John asked.

"I have things I need to do and I can't do them with you sitting there and that pointless drivel you insist on having on.

"Well I'm watching it and I was here first so i'm not moving," John said turning his attention back to the television.

"Stop being so difficult," Sherlock complained.

"Me? I'm being difficult? You are the one trying to evacuate me from my living room without giving me a good, no actually without giving me any reason at all," John snapped.

"So you are in here because you are wanting to watch this pointless television show that is so predictable it is almost embarrassing. Don't worry i'm not going to tell you how it ends. I now know that people with lesser minds such as yourself are able to be surprised by the outcome."

"Yes, so shut up so I can watch it," John hissed purposely turning the volume up.

"Well John, this was a pretty pointless argument," Sherlock said with a smirk.

John managed to resist asking what he meant by that as he returned his attention to the television. "You bastard," he uttered as the end credits rolled on screen and he realised he had no idea how the episode had concluded.

"Now you have no need to be in here as you said yourself you were only in here so you could watch that on television and don't worry I will keep to your warnings and not tell you how it ends," he said with a smirk.

John shook his head in frustration as he walked out the room. When he was gone Sherlock sighed and picked up the phone dialling. "Hello it's me," he rolling his eyes as they responded, this never got any easier.

John walked into the living room an hour later to make a cup of tea. "Sherlock you wanting a cut of tea?" he asked pausing as he noticed Sherlock was on the phone. It was strange seeing him on the phone at all but even stranger that he was using the landline. He had often wondered why they had it in the first place as it was never used.

Sherlock tried to wave John out of the room but he ignored him walking into the kitchen putting the kettle on trying to work out who Sherlock was speaking to.

"Yes I'll call in a few weeks, yes two weeks today same as it always is. No I doubt I will visit soon. Alright I'm going now, yes, yes bye mum," he said when he could get a word in and hung up briskly before she could begin speaking again or insist that he spoke to his father again to say goodbye.

"Hold on, you put me out the room so you could phone your parents," he asked unable to suppress the smirk and giggle.

"Yes, they insist Mycroft and I call. It's that or risk them visiting."

"How have you been having chats with your parents without me knowing?"

"Once every two weeks, yet again highlighting your appalling observational skills."

"Well I have to say, I never had you down as one to check in regularly with your parents," John said with a smirk.

"Shut up it's not something I enjoy it's something I endure because it needs to done, apparently. You should think about that John, when was the last time you called your parents? It really is awful of you John they want to talk to you and you say I have no manners," he said taking his cup of tea off the counter and sat on the couch leaving John standing in the kitchen staring after him in shock. He sighed the next morning as he pulled out his phone and dialled.

"I know you would phone them, really you are so easy to manipulate and predict," Sherlock said as he flopped down on the couch.


	5. The Doctor

**The Doctor**

**I am so sorry I have been so slow in updating this! I promise to update faster in the future. Thank you for the reviews please keep them coming I really want to know you are reading this and what you are thinking. Please leave me a comment however small it is so appreciated!**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't anything!**

Of all the things Sherlock could have on Mycroft nothing could top what he currently had against his brother. He had to be careful,he couldn't waste this. He had to use it to its full advantage. He had found the information by pure chance. He wasn't a believer in chance but for this he was willing to overlook that small fact.

His brother, who practically was the British government. The one who claimed to be 'the smart one' and was only able to accept things that had cause and reason, in short his brother who could not abide anything there was not a concrete reason or explanation for, was a Doctor Who fan!

This wasn't a case of indulgent nostalgia, something Sherlock had no time for but knew many others did. It was not a show he had watched in his youth before becoming aware of how implausible the show's premise was. He knew Mycroft had never watched Doctor Who growing up therefore it was something he currently enjoyed and chose to watch.

0000

"Do I have to suffer through this mindless drivel again?" Sherlock complained as John settled infront of the television.

"No you don't, you can use another room if you don't want to watch it but I do, so could you do me a favour and shut up!" John said turning his attention back to the television.

"John it is a lot of rubbish as I've said before it is simple not plausible," he complained sighing loudly as the sound of the door opening preventing him from launching into his weakly rant about Doctor Who.

"Arguing again, you really are like a married couple," Mycroft said mockingly.

"What do you want?" Sherlock snapped.

"Your assistance," he said dropping a file onto his brother's table.

"Why should I?" he demanded.

"Because you wont be able to resist, now if you'll excuse me I can't stay things to do," he said making to leave but pausing as the television caught his eye. "I like that episode," Mycroft said in passing as he left the flat.

"What are you so happy about?" John asked glancing at Sherlock.

"Nothing, nothing," Sherlock said though wasn't able to suppress his grin.

"No, what is it? You never look this happy after seeing your brother," John said suspiciously.

"Nothing John," Sherlock said smiling again as he headed to his room allowing John to watch the remainder of Doctor Who in peace Mycroft was right, this was a good episode.

When he got the opportunity he searched Mycroft's house and found he had recorded Doctor Who and the ones he had recently watched showed up in his deleted items, this really was too perfect.

0000

"Merry Christmas Mycroft," Sherlock said smoothly as he tossed a present at his brother.

"What is this?" Mycroft asked sceptically.

"A Christmas present, isn't that what normally happens at Christmas? People buy each other pointless presents they don't need and eat far too much?" Sherlock asked.

"Go on then open it," their mother urged.

"Alight," Mycroft said ripping the paper off the present to reveal a figure of the tenth Doctor action figure staring up at him.

"Merry Christmas Mycroft," Sherlock said with a smirk.

It wasn't until later when he opened the box to examine the figure closer that he found the note Sherlock had placed behind the action figure.

_Seems as I have always known I am 'the smart one' as you are the one who watches a children's television show and plays with action figures._

_-SH._


	6. Sit Please

**Chapter 6 Sit Please.**

**I am so sorry for the lack of updates but if you are a reader of my other story Trigger you will know why there has been a delay. On a lighter note, I went to London and I went to Speedys! I also went to a Sherlock museum and shop. I also went to a Doctor Who shop and museum where I got to open and go into the TARDIS! I also went to the Harry Potter studios and saw Les Miserables for the forth time! I also went to the Tower of London. I really am amazed that my inner fan girl didn't explode form the excitement! Anyway enough of my rambling and on with the story. I have changed the timeline a bit in this as it is set after HLV and is inspired from a scene in it that I always wanted to address because it amused me. So on with the story and as always please review!**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly it's not mine but I have a Sherlock consulting detective business card that I got from 'his flat' in London does that count for anything? **

John groaned as his phone sounded again indicating yet another text. Why was it the one morning he wanted to try and get a bit of a long lie it seemed like everyone in his phone book decided to text all at once. "What is so important that you keep getting texts? If it's that important why don't they just phone you? Either answer them or turn your phone off," Mary mumbled turning over in the bed.

"Because they prefer to text, apparently," John said groaning with frustration as he realised what it had to be.

"What..oh for god sake turn it off, or at least do something!" Mary said frustratedly as she buried herself further under the covers as another text came through.

"Yeah I will sorry," he whispered giving her a quick kiss before getting up and grabbing his phone off the bedside cabinet. "Jesus Sherlock," he muttered as he saw he had ten texts from him, all of which were sent within the last hour.

"Sherlock what the hell is so important that you have sent me ten texts in the last hour?" he demanded in an irritated whisper when at last after a few missed calls Sherlock answered.

"Didn't you read the texts?" he asked.

"What is it Sherlock?"

"We need to talk."

"We're talking now. What is it?"

"No, needs to be in person so if you could come round in the morning I'll talk to you then," he said getting ready to hang up.

"Wait, Sherlock is everything alright?" he asked wondering he should go and see him now. He knew it could be nothing but he also knew it could just as easily be something big.

"Fine. Just something we need to sort. See you in the morning," Sherlock said disconnecting the call.

"Yeah, like I've nothing better to do than run after Sherlock Holmes," John muttered as he headed back into his room climbing in beside Mary.

"Like you would ever change it," Mary mumbled sleepily as she cuddled into him drifting back to sleep to John's laughter.

00000

"What is it Sherlock?" John asked walking into the flat. "Um, what are you doing?" he asked in confusion as he near walked into the chair that was sitting in the middle of the floor.

"Morning," Sherlock said calmly.

"Yeah, morning what is so important but then unimportant that you left it till this morning and why is their a chair in the middle of the living room?" John asked.

"I told you, we need to talk about something."

"Alright what about?" he asked making to move the chair out of the way before he sat.

"No, leave it," Sherlock said.

"Are you expecting a client? Only you don't usually leave the chair right at the door?" John asked becoming even more confused.

"No i'm not. No work at the moment you know that," he said tersely.

"No, it's not that there's no work it's that you are too stubborn to actually take half of the cases that are in your inbox. Don't sigh at me you know i'm right. Or if you need further proof that i'm right get your laptop and I will show you all the cases you could be taking but are too stubborn to," John argued.

"My lack of cases that are not from total idiots is not the problem here. I told you I have something that I need to talk to you about."

"So you keep saying yet you have still failed to talk to me about anything," John snapped.

"The chair."

"The chair?" John repeated.

"Yes, the chair, the chair that you broke," Sherlock said meeting John's eye.

"That I broke?" he asked confused.

"Yes."

"When did I break a chair? From what I remember when I lived here is that the majority of our furniture was ruined by you either experimenting or being bored."

"You broke the chair, my chair," Sherlock said disregarding John's comments.

"I broke your chair, when?" John demanded.

"Yes."

"When?"

"When you and Mary came up here to have dinner. Remember the night you found out about Mary and you in your temper, that you really need to learn how to control kicked and broke my chair," Sherlock answered.

"That was ages ago! I apologised for that and if you remember correctly I offered to replaced it which you said no to. So why did you call me over to talk about it for now and better yet if it's broken and this apparently now bothers you why have you kept the chair?" he demanded.

"Didn't bother me before," Sherlock said.

"Why now then?"

"Mrs Hudson."

"Mrs Hudson?" John repeated.

"Yes Mrs Hudson, do stop repeating me John it is starting to get irritating."

"What does Mrs Hudson have to do with you being annoyed about the chair now?" John pressed.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked sighing dramatically.

"Just answer the question Sherlock," John said wearily.

"Mrs Hudson saw it and it making me pay for a new one," he said simply.

John nodded. "Right well okay fair enough yeah 'll obviously pay the cost. Would about thirty quid cover it?" he asked. He had no problem covering the cost it just seemed strange to him that he was suddenly so insistent on getting the money. Usually things like money and other things that concerned most people had no impact on him.

"Yes that will be fine."

"Right, wait and I'll see if I've got it on me if not I'll get it to you in the next few days," John said feeling for his wallet.

"Whenever you get it is fine but I do want it," he said with a shrug

"Then why the sudden urgency to then not be interested in when you get the money?" John asked confused, He knew their was an ulterior motive here he just didn't know what.

"Seems only fair," he said simply.

"No your right I will give you the money I just mean -"

"No I mean it seems only fair that you give me the money for the chair as you made me pay you back the money you spent on those theatre tickets for that stupid show that you and Mary couldn't go to because you were on a case with me," he said.

John stared at him in disbelief not quite able to believe what he was hearing. "Right fine like I said I will get you your money but you know what mate? You really need a case."

"No I need my thirty pounds," he said flopping down on his couch picking up the newspaper leaving John to make his own cup of tea.


	7. Fold

**Folding**

**The idea for this chapter comes from SH Ships Sherlock I just hope I did it justice! Please leave me a review. I really love to hear your thoughts! Thank you to Xin0Lan for pointing out some spelling errors!**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly it's not mine! If I owned Sherlock he would have let the sheet fully drop in the palace! **

"John, Baker Street now,." Sherlock said the second John answered his phone.

"Sherlock, what is it, what's wrong?" John asked worriedly before realising Sherlock had already hung up. "Dammit," he muttered heading for the door.

"What is it?" Mary asked though she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"It's Sherlock." he said worriedly as he pulled his coat on.

"Why what's wrong?"

"Don't know, probably nothing but it's Sherlock so it could also be something. I'll be back soon as I can," he said leaning in for a kiss before heading to Baker Street

John ran up the stairs going into Sherlock's flat. "Sherlock, everything alright?" he yelled.

"There is something I need to talk to you about which will be much easier to do if you would kindly stop shouting," he said mildly.

"Is there a new case?"

"No."

"Okay, then what is it? What's wrong?" John pressed, concern bubbling up inside him again.

"This is something that has been bothering me for a while John," Sherlock said.

John sat down looking at Sherlock with concern. "Alright, what is it what's wrong?" he asked.

"The Sydney Opera House."

"The Sydney Opera House? You have a problem with the Sydney Opera House?" John asked in disbelief.

"No, you do," Sherlock answered.

"You brought me here to talk about the Sydney Opera House?" John asked his tone dangerously even.

"No of course not, don't be ridiculous!"

"Then would you tell me what on earth you are talking about?" John snapped.

"Your napkin folding skills John, what else? Watching your frankly pathetic attempts at folding a napkin into the Sydney Opera House highlighted a serious problem," Sherlock said seriously.

"You have got to be kidding me, Jesus Sherlock!" John muttered.

"If we are going to continue to work together this is something we need to address," Sherlock carried on.

"Seriously, this is madness. You've lost it mate i'm going," John said.

"John wait, i'm serious!" Sherlock called after him.

"Yeah and so am I. You've finally lost it," John retorted.

"This is something we need to address. The fact that you were unable to master a simple task after been shown several times creates a real problem," Sherlock stated.

"Thanks, charming. Anyway who are you to talk? You are the one who didn't know that the earth goes round the sun," he argued.

"I told you even if I did know I must have deleted it. Would you stop talking about this its getting boring! Even if I didn't know it I was able to learn, retain and use that information. Unlike some people," he with a pointed look at John.

"For God sake," John muttered rolling his eyes wondering how he fell for this every single time.

"So lets see if we can solve the problem, I think there could maybe be some hope for you yet Doctor Watson," Sherlock said opening his desk drawer producing a large pile of cloth napkins and placing them on the coffee table.

"I'm not doing this."

"Yes you are, you know that you will do it because you can't stop yourself trying to prove me wrong by showing that you can do something as simple as this," Sherlock answered. John sighed there was no point in protesting as they both knew that he was right.

"Now watch it really is simple," Sherlock said as he reached for a napkin and folded it with ease into the Sydney Opera House. "Like I say if you can't do this how are you meant to assist me on cases. Now you try," he instructed passing John a napkin.

"No. I'm not doing this just for you to humiliate me afterwords."

Sherlock sighed impatiently. "John, I need to see just how far you can get with it."

"Fine," John muttered bad temperately. He attempted to fold the napkin, trying to surreptitiously steal glances at Sherlock's completed napkin when he thought he wasn't looking to try and copy the folds. "This is ridiculous," he said frustratedly scrunching the napkin up before throwing it on the coffee table.

"Well, that was useful. We have confirmed that you have not only made no progress whatsoever but you were also unable to retain the few very basic steps you were eventually able to complete a few months ago."

"What is the point in this Sherlock? What does it matter if I can fold a bloody napkin into the shape of the Paris Bloody Opera House?"

"Sydney Opera House, really John. I told you why I need to know that you are able to learn basic skills that may be needed for a case. We need to be able to fit in anywhere you never know what skills you may need to learn quickly," Sherlock said as he loaded a YouTube video

"Why on earth are there videos for this?" John muttered.

"There is a need for everything., case in point, you need this now shut up and watch," he instructed as he enlarged the video and hit play.

"How the hell am I supposed to remember all that?" John demanded as the video ended and Sherlock passed him a napkin.

"You don't need to though you really should be able to it is only eight steps. You are going to watch each step and copy it. I will pause the video after each step until you are ready to continue," Sherlock answered as John signed loudly.

"For God sake John! What is it about this you are finding so difficult?" Sherlock demanded as John threw yet another napkin to the ground in frustration.

"Shut up Sherlock. I swear to God shut up! Hit play I think I've got it this time" he said evenly.

"Hhhmm, we are running out of napkins, please do try to get it right this time. I really don't want to ask Mrs Hudson for more. Now remember John, from the base centre point pick up the first layer and pull to the top centre point," Sherlock said moving to press play again.

"What does that even mean Sherlock?" John snapped.

"For God sake! Perhaps this will be easier," he said. After a quick internet search he pulled up a step by step guide. "It has pictures, maybe you will get on better with this."

"You know what Sherlock? I give up! I can't do this alright. If this ever comes up in a case then I pass. There are loads of things I am sure I can learn to do quickly but this is not one of them," he said.

"John it really isn't that difficult," Sherlock said demonstrating yet again.

It took a great deal of restraint from John not to launch himself across the table at Sherlock. "Bloody show off," he muttered as Sherlock chuckled. "Wait a...you bastard, you complete and utter bastard!" John yelled as he realised the real reason he was here. "This had sod all to do with me being able to pick up this or any other skill did it?"

"No," Sherlock confirmed still chuckling.

"No, of course it didn't. This is all because you are yet again trying to stop smoking and need something to occupy your mind and hands and for some God unknown reason you chose this as a chance to show off probably. You bastard," he said throwing the pile of napkins at Sherlock.

"Perhaps, at least my methods worked, unlike yours. You are still looking for a way to lose those last seven pounds," Sherlock said chuckling again.


	8. Names

**Names**

**Thank you so much for the reviews please keep them coming they mean so much to me. I really like to know what you think and that you are reading this. I plan on this having twelve chapters to be like a year with Sherlock. I am aware that the time line jumps about too much for this to work as a calender year but it's meant to be symbolic of that, if that makes any sense! Anyway enough of my rambling and on with the chapter!**

**Disclaimer**

**I sadly still don't own it and this makes me sadder every time I write it!**

"Can I ask you something?" Sherlock asked breaking the rare silence that John had been enjoying, silence was not a common occurrence living with Sherlock Holmes.

"You just did," John said with a slight smirk.

"Sarcasm is very unbecoming on you John," Sherlock responded dryly.

"What's your question?" John interrupted.

"Are you embarrassed by your name?"

"What?"

"Are you embarrassed by your name?" Sherlock repeated.

"Seriously, you are asking me that? You?" John asked in disbelief.

"Yes,"

"With a name like yours you are asking me if I am embarrassed by my name?" John asked in disbelief.

"What's wrong with my name?" Sherlock demanded,

"It's not even a real name!" he said.

"What? Of course it is. What do you mean it's not a real name? Of course it's a real name. It's my name," Sherlock said indignantly.

"Come on how many people do you know that are called Sherlock?" John argued.

"You don't know anybody by the name Mildred, doesn't mean that isn't a real name does it," Sherlock pointed out.

"That's not the same thing! Sherlock isn't exactly a name that people know," John said.

"It means bright hair," Sherlock stated.

"Oh," John said not quite sure how to respond to that.

"No i'm not embarrassed by my name, it's different, I like that," Sherlock stated.

"Then why would I be embarrassed by my name?" John asked inwardly cursing himself for getting drawn into this conversation.

"Well where do I start? Not only does your name mean God given which is not only rather presumptuous if you were to believe in something as inconceivable as God but is also stupid as it relates to something which is clearly not true," he said shaking his head.

"Nothing wrong with that and at least my name is a normal name," John pointed out.

"And boring," Sherlock added.

"Boring?" John demanded evenly.

"It is the most generic name that there is. John, it's the most dull and ordinary male name that there is it's what people use when they wish to pathetically try to remain anonymous, dear John letters, John Smith as a weak attempt to hide their real name or what they call people when they don't have a name for them.

"Why the sudden fascination with my name anyway?" John demanded eager to change the subject.

"You know why, hence your desire to stop talking about it," he answered with a slight smirk.

"Then for once in your life can you just leave it?" John asked wearily.

"Nope."

"Of course not," John muttered.

"Now getting back to your full name, John _Hamish _Watson," he said meeting his eye until John blushed a little looking away.

"Yes."

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" he asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," John said clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Yes you do, John _Hamish _Watson," Sherlock said.

"Would you stop using my full name," John said uncomfortably.

"I'm not using your full name," Sherlock said his smirk increasing.

"Sherlock, leave it," John said sharply.

"No. so your real name what is your real name?" he asked calmly.

"You know my name," he said in a forced easy voice.

"Yes I do but not everyone knows your name do they, not your real name that is," Sherlock said his smirk forming into a proper smile.

"Of course they do," John said weakly.

"Oh they know the name you go by but not your real name -"

"Sherlock!" John yelled cutting him off.

"Hamish John Watson," Sherlock continued ignoring John's outburst.

"Sherlock, please leave it," he groaned his face slushing scarlet.

"Why change your name?" Sherlock pressed.

"You know why, I hate Hamish it's embarrassing," he said edgily.

Sherlock laughed slightly. "It is somewhat embarrassing," he agreed.

"You are one to talk Sherlock!" John protested.

"I'm not ashamed of my name but you are and your attempts at changing it were pathetic to say the least. Your first weakness was using your middle name which is such a boring predictable name as I have already said. You also fell pray to the human defect of sentiment or a need to be loyal to your mother by keeping s your middle name rather than removing from your name all together," Sherlock said shaking his head.

"Yeah just don't tell anyone alright," John asked.

"I wont. I don't want anyone knowing your name is Hamish, really what would they think? No I have a reputation to uphold," he said.

"Charming but eh, thanks," he said.

SHSHSHSH

"Sherlock, it's Mycroft," he said rolling his eyes as Mycroft resorted to phoning his phone as Sherlock declined to answer his calls.

"Oh," Sherlock said reaching over to take the phone from him and hanging up.

"Mycroft, that is a strange name too. Mycroft and Sherlock, strange choices for your parents especially given how well normal they are. What kind of names are Sherlock and Mycroft?" John asked.

"What kind of name is Hamish?" Sherlock responded his eyes showing just how public he could make that information if he wished resulting in John wisely letting it drop.

**I know this couldn't be true as Sherlock sees John's birth certificate in The Empty Hearse but I got the idea and I just had to go with it!**


	9. Leaving

**Leaving**

**I am so sorry for the slow update life has been a bit crazy lately but I really hope you are all still sticking with me as I love to know that you are reading this and what you think.**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly I still own nothing!**

"Oh John dear, thank goodness you are here maybe you can talk some sense into him," Mrs Hudson said corning him in the hallway.

"Why what's going on? What are you talking about?" John asked in a mixture of concern and confusion.

"You mean you don't...you'd best go see," Mrs Hudson said shaking her head as she shooed him off in the direction of Sherlock's flat.

"Okay," John muttered in confusion as he got to Sherlock's door. "Hey Sherlock, what's going on? Only I just met Mrs Hudson there and she seems a bit I dunno stressed about something. Is everything okay?" he asked walking in.

"Fine, everything's fine John," Sherlock said distractedly as he came into the room carrying a large box.

"Right, eh what are you doing?" he asked taking in the mess round about him that was a lot worse than usual.

"I'm busy John. If you are not going to help then please leave I don't have time for idle chat," Sherlock said curtly as he strode over to his bookcase and began piling the books into the box he'd been carrying.

"What are you doing?" John asked watching him.

"I'd have that that was obvious," he snapped.

"Tell me anyway," John said.

"I'm packing. Like I said I thought it was obvious."

"Why are you packing? What's going on?" John demanded.

"Why do people normally pack John?" Sherlock asked wearily.

"You're not, you're not moving are you?" John asked staring at him.

"No I just want to put all of my possessions into boxes for no reason. Yes, John i'm moving," Sherlock said.

"Why?" John asked confused.

"If you are not going to help then leave. I already said I don't have time for this."

"Where are you moving to?" John pressed.

"A new place not too far from here," Sherlock answered shortly.

"When were you going to tell me?" John asked.

"You would have found out case in point as you now know. I didn't need to tell you. It is of no concern to you where I live," Sherlock answered.

"Oh John, have you managed to talk him out of this mad idea of his?" Mrs Hudson asked walking into the flat.

"Mrs Hudson could you please leave and could you kindly take John with you," Sherlock said evenly.

"Sherlock stop this foolishness. I have told you we can work something out. You don't have to leave," she pleaded desprately.

"Yes I do Mrs Hudson. Do stop getting so upset there is no need for it. You often complained about the mess and the noise, well now you don't need to worry about that," he said calmly.

"Sherlock, you don't need to move out. I told you I can try and adjust the rent so you can stay," she pleaded.

"You are moving out because you can't afford the rent? Is this because I moved out? Jesus Sherlock why didn't you bloody talk to me?" John moaned guilt swelling inside him.

"Why, no point. You knew I couldn't afford the flat alone, it was why I was looking for a flatmate. You didn't think I wanted a flatmate for the company did you?" he asked dryly.

John bit his lips as Sherlock's words outside Baker Street floated back to him. _'Between the two of us we should be able to afford it.'_

"Sherlock, i'm sorry," John said weakly.

"Why bother saying that? You are not sorry for being with Mary. I have found somewhere else I can afford and Mrs Hudson will be able to rent this place out to a much easier tenant, so no you are not sorry. In fact this works out better for the both of you," Sherlock said tuning on his heel walking out of the flat leaving John and Mrs Hudson staring after him wordlessly knowing that he was right.


	10. Bones

**Chapter 10 Bones**

**I am so sorry for the delay in this update but things have been a bit hectic lately as I am making a huge career change into nursery nursing. I start the course in August I am so excited and nervous! As always thank you so much for the reviews and please keep them coming they mean so much to me!**

**Disclaimer**

**If I owned Sherlock we wouldn't be waiting until 2015 for the next season though I am so excited about the confirmed Christmas special!**

"So will you do it?" Sherlock asked with an expectant smile not noticing the way that Molly was staring at him.

"I can't believe you just asked me that," she spluttered at last staring at him in a mixture of disbelief and something she could only describe as mild horror.

"Why, what's the problem?" Sherlock asked in confusion.

"I'm not doing it Sherlock, you, you shouldn't have asked me to," Molly said uncomfortably.

"Why not? I'm asking you for a favour," Sherlock reasoned.

"Most people don't ask for favours like this. They ask for normal things like a loan of money or to feed their pet when they are away," Molly said.

"Well I'll never ask you for that. I don't have any pets and I don't need any money. John might ask you for money if he gets desperate enough he always seems to not have enough money," Sherlock said.

"That's not the point. The point is i'm not doing it, i'm not!" she said as firmly as she could muster. She knew she was known to bend to Sherlock's will but not this time.

"I don't see why you are being so difficult Molly," Sherlock complained.

"I'm not being difficult," she protested.

"Actually you are Molly. You have always got me the things I've asked for before so why is this any different?" he demanded.

"I never liked giving you any of the stuff I gave you before. I try not to think about what your fridge must smell like but you're asking too much this time Sherlock, the heart was bad enough, but this, no," she said again.

"Molly, please do this for me it would mean a lot to me if you did," he said changing his tactic. He had work he had to do and he hadn't counted on Molly making things so difficult for him.

"I said no Sherlock. I am not giving you a human skeleton," she repeated.

"Why not?" he asked frustratedly.

"Why do you want it anyway?" she asked inspite of herself.

"I need it for work," he said.

"Why not use one of the anatomically correct skeletons like most people who need a skeleton use?" she asked.

"Not as good as the real thing, I need the real thing and you Molly Hooper can get it for me," he said again.

"No Sherlock I can't," she said.

"Please?" he asked hopefully.

"I am not getting you a skeleton Sherlock. Not only is it even more strange than the rest of the things you've got me to get you but it's also impossible. We don't get skeletons in here Sherlock. It's a mortuary, we get bodies. I can't get you a skeleton because it comes with the rest of the body attatched and I am not even going to try removing all that it's disgusting," she said firmly.

"There are ways Molly there is always a solution," he said trying to convince her.

"Not for this there isn't Sherlock. Also, there is no inconspicuous way for you to get a skeleton out of here without being noticed and I would lose my job," she pointed out.

"You can do this for me Molly and I know that you will do it," he said with a smirk.

"I won't. I can't believe we are still talking about this or talking about this at all," she muttered shaking her head.

"Molly, Molly you misunderstand me. I know you will do this. Will I tell you why will do it?" he asked raising a hand to stop her protest.

"Let's hear it," she said reluctantly.

"You will do it because you don't actually need to do anything," he said with a satisfied smile.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"I know there is no way you can get me a human skeleton from this lab," he said.

"Then why did you ask me? Why have you come to me about it?" she asked confused.

"Here is the number you need to phone for a Doctor Walker he provides this sort of thing for, research purposes," he said.

"Why do I need to phone him? Why don't you phone him yourself if you want it so badly?" she asked.

"He wont get it for me. He only supplies to medical professionals which I suppose covers you, generally speaking," he said passing her the number.

"Why do you think i'm going to do this for you?" she asked.

"Simple, because if you do this for me I am in your debt, something you may find useful at some point," he said chuckling as Molly started at him for a moment before reaching for her phone.


End file.
